“Professor” asked Bernard,
“you've read a lot of spy novels. How can we embark on our journey in a
suitably dramatic fashion?”
“Well, we'll need to give the
operation a code name, spend an afternoon deliberating very seriously over some
large maps, and then meet at an obscure prearranged location under the cover of
darkness.”
“That sounds exciting – shall
we do that, then?”
“No, I have a better idea,”
replied Professor D'Urbrayne with a grin.
“Oh, do tell…”
“We’ll go back to mine and
order in some jumbo pizzas, eat them whilst playing Super Mario, and then set
out a little before teatime. I can show you my train set too if you’d like!”
“YAY!”
“Um… this may be a delicate
question, but are you actually capable of walking back to my house?”
“Not really,” replied Bernard
despondently, “look at my ridiculous flippers! They’re really great for
swimming but no good for much else”
In a swift jaunty motion, the
Professor scooped up the platypus and shoved him into his satchel, where he landed
straddling a yellow plastic mac in a rather undignified manner, with only his
bill sticking out. Bernard suspected that this was a position he would have to
get used to.
A joyous lunchtime feast of
pizza, garlic bread and spicy chicken wings proceeded. Simon was perturbed by
Bernard's fussy eating habits and ended up eating most of his pizza for him,
whilst D'Urbrayne made himself hyperactive by consuming an entire bottle of
Fanta. Following much hilarity, they made their way to the garage.
Professor D'Urbrayne's garage
had a faintly musty odour and was packed to the rafters with clutter. Amongst
other things, Bernard noticed a sinister-looking wooden puppet, a half-empty
pack of garibaldi biscuits, a wheelbarrow filled with multi-coloured Lego
bricks, a 1970s book of knitting patterns, a battered map of Greenland and CDs
by Leonard Cohen, the Sugababes and an obscure Eastern European folk ensemble
with an unpronounceable name. “You can tell a lot about a man from his workshop…
supposedly” thought Bernard to himself, still somewhat overwhelmed by the
distinct feeling that his life was in the process of becoming much stranger.
In the centre of the garage,
covered in a large beige blanket, stood Professor D'Urbrayne's pride and joy.
In his customary swift, jerky manner he creaked open the garage door, casting
dusty sunbeams in amongst the clutter, and removed the blanket with an elegant
flourish, knocking an old sherry glass from one of the shelves onto the floor,
where it shattered spectacularly. There stood an immaculate Morris Van, shinier
than the day it rolled off the production line. Everything about it was
perfect, apart from the fact that it was a rather violent shade of green.
“What do you think of her?”
asked D'Urbrayne, grinning.
“She's… spectacular! How much
work have you done on her?”
“She was a mess when I found
her, so I completely dismantled her, restored each piece individually, and then
put her back together again. It’s been fascinating learning all about how she
works… and all I needed was the help of this!”
D’Urbrayne proudly brandished a Haynes manual covered in oily fingerprints.
“Does she have a name?”
“Of course… I’ve called her
Brenda Peabody”
As soon as Brenda's rear doors
were opened, Simon gurgled with approval and wriggled joyously in, testing the
wonderfully bouncy suspension the Professor had recently installed. The
platypus was strapped into the passenger seat where he took control of a
Dansette record player that had been cleverly wired up to the car’s battery and
encased in an ingenious “anti-skip” contraption invented by D'Urbrayne. After
meticulously cleaning up the remains of the sherry glass, the Professor hopped
into the driver's seat and the three of them tootled gleefully on their way,
Simon embellishing “Good Day Sunshine” by the Beatles with his inimitable sound
effects.
