Professor D'Urbrayne acquired Simon whilst on the first of his adventures. It all began when D'Urbrayne, on emerging from a particularly engrossing attempt to prove an obscure mathematical theorem, thought to ask his mother where he'd left his Thingummywotsit. 'What do you mean, "lost it"?' came the reply. And thus was born the Quest for the Lost Thingummywotsit. After all, he'd only had it the previous Monday. How far could it possibly have gone..?
After checking his toolbox, followed by the fridge, the back of the sofa, the microwave and the cupboard under the stairs there was still no trace of the elusive Thingummywotsit. Having checked every bush in the local park, fingertip searched the glove compartment of his Morris Minor Vanette and interrogated Joe Keighley from the chip shop under his flat on whether he'd appropriated a Thingummywotsit lately, the intrepid Professor decided to take his search farther afield. Initially to the Faroe Islands.
After much meandering and an incident with the International Ice Patrol which is too complicated to explain further but nearly resulted in the loss of the entire Icelandic trawling fleet, Professor D'Urbrayne's quest took him to Greenland, for reasons known only to himself and which he since claims to have forgotten. It was there that he befriended an initially reluctant walrus whom he christened Simon, again for reasons known only to himself. Oddly, the Professor has no knowledge of how Simon acquired his surname. When pressed on the subject, he assumes the pensive, suspicious and vaguely worried expression he always wears when faced with the inevitable walrus-related queries (or indeed, the inevitable walrus-related walrus). The Professor eventually managed to entice Simon away from the coast of Greenland to Armitage Shanks by plying him with a vast quantity of rollmop and the promise of endless cod roe from the chippy downstairs. However, every attempt on D'Urbrayne's part to discuss his lost Thingummywotsit with Simon (and in fact, every other attempt at communication) was met with a response that is possibly best transcribed as 'wooooooom'.
Simon was smuggled to Birmingham International Airport on a charter flight disguised with a flat cap, a pair of sunglasses and a battered leather bomber jacket. A highly-strung and overworked immigration official took the decision to believe Professor D'Urbrayne's protestations that his learned colleague, a distinguished academic, had lost his passport: this may at least in part be attributed to the official's suspicions that he was suffering psychotic delusions involving a walrus wearing a flat cap, sunglasses and a battered leather bomber jacket. The official in question is currently on long-term sick leave.
On his return to Armitage Shanks, now accompanied by a colossal aquatic mammal, Professor D'Urbrayne's mother grounded him for a month and resolved never to buy him a new Thingummywotsit, not ever. In fact, she forbade him from possessing one. Especially since he'd only gone and eaten the last one the previous Tuesday, having evidently mistaken it for a Manchester Egg.
The Professor's mother has never understood why, at this particular point in the conversation, the Professor began to groan and slumped to the floor with his head in his hands.
Simon continues to lead a galumphant life in Armitage Shanks. He has unwittingly spawned many urban legends, although the Professor strenuously denies any connection between Simon and the so-called 'Giant Whiskery Vampire Slug of Kirklees' allegedly sighted by walkers on the Trans-Pennine Trail last summer.
